Gender Disappointment… Yes, Its a thing!

I always pictured myself a mom to all boys. I grew up in a house with three brothers and my daddy, my mum and passed away when I was still young. I just happened to babysit mostly boys. I was used to rough-housing, poop jokes, and can still have a full conversation in movie quotes. My husband also grew up in a family of only boys- 4 boys to be exact. With my first pregnancy, we decided not to find out our baby’s sex. This was surprising to nearly everyone we knew, including the staff of doctors and nurses surrounding me After we heard our baby’s first cry, my husband utterly screamed “Its a girl.

A few years later I was pregnant again. I thought I wanted to wait to find out the gender, but two days before my 20-week ultrasound, I suddenly had this strong urge to find out the sex. We were having another girl. I cried. I’m not proud of it. At work, I found myself secretly and shamefully Googling “gender disappointment.” What was my problem? I wondered. The baby is healthy, I have friends suffering from miscarriages , my best friend since i was 3 years old had lost 3 babies and here i was disappointed from a gender — why can’t I just be grateful? Baby Number 3, Oh God, How I prayed for a son, I was so scared to even go and find out. At 39 weeks I just couldn’t take the suspense anymore, I secretly went for a scan without anyone knowing – Yes another GIRL.

For me, I think I wanted to give my husband what he’d always wanted- An HEIR. But I soon learned another thing about gender disappointment: it fades (especially once you see that brand new babe for the first time). For me, it was love at first sight when I saw my third daughter come out .I’ll admit sometimes it still stings a little when we hear “it’s a boy” for someone else, but I’m sure that will fade too. We’ve been blessed with three daughters but I wouldn’t swap her for the world. They are the three loves of my life. And absent of any sisters of my own, I now get to do the girly things I never experienced growing up.